If I take all my anti-seizure and collaborative medications I am a walking breathing zombie but according to my neurologist who is wonderfully available, friendly and let's me pay my deductable in monthly non interest payments my seizures are under control. However, I forget things; how to do basic math (as in how much change should I get back from the Starbucks barista, so volunteering at a school function when cash is involved is out) spelling (this one paragraph has many red squiggles under words and those are my substitutes because I could'nt think of the one i wanted to use), my brain thinks one word and my mouth says another, more often than I'd like (at times they are profane in nature) lets not forget the major issue of my short fuse which is an issue for even me who daily struggles to make sure my frustration to battle the comprehension I can't achieve doesn't wage war with my hostility that suddenly fierce on the rare occassion i am a waking zombie. Not that I am ever intentionally mean or NEVER violent. I am just often reminded of my elderly grandmother who snapped at the beginning of her alhermiers (yea that word wasn't going to be spelled right) Now, i do know there is a spell check feature but i forgot how to use it, that is the biggest complaint but that one came before the meds so i can't really blame my zombie pills on the fact you are reading this with all my grammatical errors still within my blog. I am tired, like a zombie and if i wait til i am not so you will never read it. My point will not be made and this entry has been sitting on here in draft form for months now. I already took the next step to rid myself of being cast in the next season of the Walking Dead (though the paycheck would've been nice but i suck at acting and hate attention of any camera)
With the help of a neighbor whose kids i babysat more weekends and Summer days than not I will be seeing one of the top Neurologists in the state and country. His first action was to take me off Topomax and order a lot of tests. Several of which I will freely admit to being scared shitless to do but i will for me, my family and anyone else with epilepsy for any test i take with him goes towards research. As the above video indicates. It's game on, i am taking charge of my epilepsy and my treatment.
