You traded your ship for me?
The noise, even with the earplugs it's an instant headache and with my eyes covered I am still aware that I am trapped with my head literally in a cage wrapped in towels so I cannot move an inch. My body is encased in the MRI chamber up to my waist and my arm with the open IV line awaits the contrast dye. Breathe, do not panic. In order to not mess up the test I must hold still and not squeeze the panic button even when the tech announces in a voice I can hardly hear that the brain slice scan is beginning and oh the whole chamber seems to shake then emits a high pitched cry that pulls on my already pained head. Slowly it continues as it goes from one end of my head to the other in excrusating slowness. One thought pops in my head, "you traded your ship for me?" Slow and steady breathing hold still because this isn't just for you. Neurologists suspect thirty years of untreated epilepsy, this more advanced MRI will give not just me a better chance but I am being treated at a learning/teaching/research hospital where they plan to study my brain to see what happens when epilepsy is untreated. Hold still and don't panic for the increasing number of kids being diagnosed with seizures. "you traded your ship for me?" This former orphan has always been willing to anything for others, just to prove she wasn't a lost girl. I know that if this scan could help in any way no matter how loud, tight, dark and is it actually moving? I can hold on til the end for the bigger picture.
After the MRI I was sent to neuro for an EEG but that was a scheduling error as I will be returning next month for a extended stay. While I was waiting my friends stacked my FB timeline with videos to watch and reminded me that even when I am stuck places feeling isolated I am not alone. Headed down to do labs I was happy to see Ken at check in (not kidding it could've been a life sized version of Barbie's man) who was friendly and a bit horrified on my behalf over the number of lab orders I handed him. I was a bit shocked and relieved when he handed me back a lab requesting spinal fluid (yea that's not happening until absolutely needed no data mining my spine) stating they don't do that and likely the lab was just a mistake (that RA is always messing with me, like that time she suggested I didn't realize I was in the epilepsy department - eye roll. I do try to get along with everyone but her compassion and listening to patients really needs vast improvements especially when general staff also notice) The nice lab tech asked if I was ready, I smiled and replied "I have a choice?" She laughed and perfectly drew 8 large vials of my blood. I drank my apple juice and was on my way. That was Friday, now we just wait. Experience tells me that if I don't hear from them that's a good thing. In the meantime, I continue to slowly decrease my topamax, work, get ready for my next test and enjoy life.
